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Hicflation

I've been losing weight again, and I'm feeling so desperate! After some online research, I found this sketchy suggestion. At this point, I figure, what have I got to lose? Although I didn't fully check all the reviews to see if this is legit, I don't think it could cause problems.

Just hold in my hiccups? Really? It seems too easy. I wonder how fast it works. Would it start on one side first, or maybe it's an all over type of inflation? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be looking for, but here goes nothing! Let's see what happens when I hold in my hiccups, and just maybe it will help me expand in all those sexy curves in just the right places to fill out my tight pink spandex dress. One, two, three!

Oh no! I only held in three hiccups! I inflated so fast! Everything on me just turned into a giant human balloon! As soon as I expanded, I starting floating towards the ceiling, and before I had time to grab onto something or hold on, I floated right out the window. Here comes the clouds? Will I float forever? I didn't think this through! Somebody help get me down, I'm floating away! What if I float right into orbit?

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